its been a while since i write my last post. the credits goes to the busy schedule i had for the past 2 weeks ever since i came back from holiday. guess i didnt use my time during the holiday fully. anyway, there are lots and lots of things that i want to write here but i just don have the mood right now. there's something happened to me this evening that struck me so deeply that i just suddenly lost all my feelings and expressions. but it all started with me. its all my fault and thanks to me that it happened.
right now i dont know whether i should write it here or not. but since this is the only place left for me to really let it all out without fearing the possibility that anyone else would read anything that i've written, i guess it would be alright if i do.
okay then. it all started this one evening when i asked that person to come out since she's not feeling well and i just advised her to take a walk around the lake and breath some fresh air. well, at first she insisted on not going since she said shes not the type who likes to go out and just stay at home. however, after giving her some time to think about it then she said ok and i picked her up at her resting place around 6.
skipping to the main part, all this uneasiness started when i brought her to have some evening tea at a shop near the mosque. at first, it all went smooth. we had a nice chit chat, talking bout anything that came to our mind and just enjoying ourselves. she had her favourite dish and i had some french fries for meal. and suddenly while we're talking, some words slipped out of my mouth that causes her to react very differently. those words i spoke really hurt her feelings and she said that no one else had ever said it to her. since that, she's been acting really cold towards me and it seems like she's really pissed off.
on that same night, i was restless thingking about what i had said and i admit, i was wrong and i should not have said that thing. after thinking back, i really regret what i had said but alas, what's past is past and i cannot do anything to reverse it. later that night, i was a bit moody and everything i did seems very blur. all my roommates noticed the difference but i just kept it low and didnt do anything. then i went to sleep and after awhile, she called and asked me about her work that she asked me to check. i gave my comments and thats it. she hung up which leaves me very ... . (undescribable) i wandered alone in my thoughts and decided to call her back after that to sort things out.
then at the same night, we discussed everything, from the way i've been acting lately towards how i felt and how she felt and whats going to happen next. i'm not going to write every detail in here since i dont think it's appropriate but in the end, we decided to give ourselves a break for a while and just keep it slow and cool.
hence, the next day i did as she said and tried my best to act. although i managed to do it for that whole day, but it ended up with me feeling something really hurting deep inside. again, i thin about whats best for both of us and taking into considerations her feelings. and i've decided on something and it must be done as soon as possible.
(this post was written a week ago but i just didnt post it. finally i decided to post it, today.)
ps: the problems settled now, after i confront her and discussed everything, face to face. it turns out ok and we're still fine, for now. =)
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